Paul- 8 months!

I still do not want to believe that Paul is 8 months old. I want him to be 8 days old again!

He can make out the words "Mom" and "Momma" and even a "Dada" every once in a while...although not always directing it towards the appropriate parent or saying it at the right time, it is awesome to have him verbalizing so well.

Paul loves to crawl. Loves it. He can speedily get where he wants to go, and his favorite places are the bathroom, the trash can, and Momma's pant legs - where he begins to crawl up until picked up.

He has tried many foods - although it is very clear the he prefers fruit to veggies, I can't really blame him! This week he tried pears, strawberries, sausage, pasta... he has successfully mastered bananas, black beans, waffles, toast and doesn't care for broccoli or great northern beans. I think his favorite food are the "puffs" that they sell - he will always find a way to eat them and get them in his mouth...it's so cute to watch. Of course, when isn't he cute to watch?

Jesus, I do this for you.

As previously mentioned, Fr. Elliot is ah-mazing.

I confessed often complaining about housework, or taking care of Paul (while still loving him dearly, of course), and I really have been noticing that it takes up so much room in my heart - and often it leads to angry outbursts, hurting Sean, Paul, and our family's relationship with each other. Fr. Elliot reminded me of the need to pray and continually offer our day to Jesus (in the back of my head I was saying "yeah, yeah... yeah... I should do that") but then, when he said, with each task, perhaps saying "Jesus, I do this for you." would give it eternal perspective, and I would be able to please Jesus and take my mind off of the constant score keeping that I've started.

What a great way to love the "little way" and remember Matthew 25:20 ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I've put this into practice when I feel my patience wearing thin, and although it seems SO simple that I really should have figured it out about 10 years ago, it has really been helping the past 24 hours.... Thank you Jesus for your kind assistance and the grace given in the sacrament of reconciliation!

Choices

We all have so many choices.

It is often hard for me to know as if I'm making the right choice for my family - which is why I'm grateful for Sean! He makes so many choices for our family and leads us in ways that he knows to be best - he is a great leader and always reminds me when I'm being controlling...which is unfortunately often.

Recently I've been worried about having Paul in daycare. I sometimes feed the fear even more wanting a "better reason" so that I can care for Paul full time. However, Sean gently reminds me that we can revisit the daycare we've chosen to feel more comfortable - and that this will likely give Paul and Sean and I more stability in our home, knowing that every day we will have the same routine.

I'm even more relieved knowing that this is a short term solution to our long term dream...

Sick

*sigh*

Being sick. I hate being sick - I hate how long it feels like it takes for me to get over a respiratory illness, or feeling in anyway that I'm not adequate to finish a project, go to work, take care of Paul, Sean, and the housework.

Yet, I shocked my primary care with how horrible my lungs sounded today, and I NEED to rest, but it is so hard to rest when all I see are "things that I need to do." I guess I need to treat myself like I wish I could force my parents to treat themselves, with kindness and consideration for all that my body is trying to accomplish by getting well again. I do have a new hero in my friend Kendel though - she is carrying her sixth little baby and has horrible morning sickness for the first trimester, sometimes the first half of pregnancy... yet she carries herself with such dignity that I want to strive to be more dignified in caring for myself - so that I can be the wife and mother that I want to be.

Rest.

I'll try.

Paul's development amazes me. He will be 8 months in less than a week, and he is an avid crawler - he loves to crawl to the trash - maybe because he knows we always stop him and bring him somewhere else? He also LOVES his bath time, so he will speedily crawl to the bathroom whenever he has an opportunity, especially if the door is closed. This morning I had quite joy when I was able to encourage him to crawl from the master bedroom to the dining room and then lifted him to get into his chair. I love his crawling, but I do wish he didn't grow so quickly...

Child of God Part 2

Driving home from church yesterday, Sean and I were talking about being a child of God and the responsibility it brings....and I mentioned to him how on earth, we love to see good reflected in our children.

If someone tells me that Paul is adorable, they are instantly miles closer to my heart, because they know the truth, and because I'm easily flattered enough to think it is because he gets his blue eyes from me.

However, I am hopeful for the day that someone tells me that Paul is holy, and seeks God with all of his heart. It would all be God's grace, of course, and I did nothing but provide him room in my womb for 9 months...but it says something... as parents, we believe that our children reflect us. Here we are again, knowing that parenthood gives us a small glimpse into God's beautiful heart, and knowing that God wants us to be holy so that we can reflect HIM to the world that so desperately needs Him. So that we can be HIS children that shine and reflect Him...

What privilege, what responsibility.

Child of God

We are blessed to have a wonderful priest and pastor at our parish home of St. Gianna's. Fr. Elliot often refers to the Gospel when encouraging me after confession, and I always find it so helpful to focus for the next week on what he has said.

Today, he reminded me that we are all children of God, which is a great gift, but with that gift, there is a great responsibility to act as a child of God. I have so much to learn, but confession always brings me renewed hope and grace to help me accomplish the great task that God has given me, to help my family get to Heaven...

Fear

What makes us do what we do? What place, if any, does fear have in our lives? So many times I feel consumed with worry - not just about things that I almost feel are natural, like "Will Paul grow up to love Jesus?", but "What does this person think of me?" Why is it that social and peer pressure can't dissapate as we age? I struggled so much with this when I was in high school - and yet parenting and making choices that I feel are right for Paul, Sean and myself has brought it even more to the forefront of my mind, however, there is a solution!

I need to trust in Jesus more - trust that what others think of me is none of my business - and that I need only HIS approval, only HIS love and grace. Ahh. even just looking at this simple reminder helps.

http://pinterest.com/pin/5348093277247604/

January 19, 2012

Beauty.

I love sunrises and sunsets, that I often notice on my drive to work, due to the love of a dear friend, we usually text each other when we see one that is specifically spectacular...I love being reminded of "how big God is" when he shows me his love through the sun and the colors he has created in the sky.

January 18, 2012

I really struggle with submission and following my husband's lead...especially when it comes to my dream of staying at home with Paul and future babies. I ache to leave the little one, and hurry home every day, knowing that I've missed the little moments like his sweet smile, the snuggles, and so much more - but I know that good is coming of me following Sean's faithful lead.

Gratefulness came from a friend who is in a very rough financial situation, and it was hard to hear her wondering if she would be able to get Medicaid for her two precious boys - and I felt as if God was reminding me that I needed to be grateful for the opportunity to work, as well as Sean's desire to have us financially secure...Jesus, thank you for my job, and thank you for the opportunity to learn about obedience and submission through the vocation of marriage.

I want to commit to writing something daily about our life together here on earth. It seems as if it is slipping by so quickly when I see the smile and growth of my 7 month old baby and my precious husband.

One sentence, one moment each day, to reflect.

Today, dearest Jesus, I am thankful for our health. Paul has been sick with a cough that makes each breath seem labored, and I thought yesterday about how you are the Divine Physician, who wants us all to be well, but our own sin, our own sickness takes us away from you. As a parent, I imagine the Heavenly Father aching over my sins the way I ache over each labored breath of Paul's, wishing that he didn't have to endure any pain, but knowing that there is nothing I can do but love him and be available for him.

Sean is sick with an ear infection, only a weekend after being sick with a "regular cold." His temperature is 102. He is in such pain, when I asked if I could do anything for him he said, "just be sweet to me."

Jesus, I am thankful that, to us, these are the "big issues" because it shows how often we have our health and do not need to worry about a thing...and when we are sick, we have good earthly physicians who tend to our needs, and the advancement of medicine that helps us heal.