Paul at 13 months

Paul, my darling.  What a joy you are. 

You have a "girlfriend" at daycare I found out about this week.  Her name is Brooklyn, and you love to corner her so you can talk to her.  I think at first you scared her, but maybe the 5 months age gap is a good thing in this case, you of course being the older, and wiser.  I will allow you to have a crush at this time in your life, because we are praying for you to realize your true vocation of the priesthood, and therefore, a little flirting in years 1-2 is okay.  After that, you're going to have to remember who your true bride is.  The church. 

Your father has taught you well to recognize Jesus, and you have the sweetest way of saying it too.  The only problem I've discovered so far is that you think everything that is a statue or a framed picture is Jesus.  We celebrated the 4th of July at the Keppel's, and you went up to a picture of Bobby and Suzanne and said so sweetly "Jesus"...uhm...no, but I know Suzanne was flattered at the compliment. 

You are kind to everyone we meet.  Today while taking you shopping I actually found myself judging someone that just looked at you and kept walking.  Being completely biased, I generally expect people to stop and comment on your stare, and your curly red hair. 

It's been very hot the past week in St. Louis, which only means that you've missed one of your favorite things - that is, being outside.  I'm excited for it to cool down so you can enjoy the outdoors again.

You are a healthy 29 lbs and 15 ounces, as we found out at the Dr today.  Haha.  You are truly "SO BIG."  In fact, we have a hard time finding the right shoes for you, as your arch is so "chubby" that most shoes aren't comfortable.  We mainly just let you go barefoot, so it isn't a big deal. 

You love to be chased around the house.  Usually, I do the chasing, and your daddy runs in front of you.  There is something you love about hugging around the legs - and you usually will do it to anyone with whom you are comfortable - it's very endearing...and you do it most often to your Dad. 

I love you so much my son.  What a gift from God you are.

Paul's First Birthday Party

Paul, my dearest son...I just want to remember every detail about today, so I'm typing here as you're sleeping, trying to capture all of the emotion and love that today brought! 

First of all, it is absolutely wonderful that you were born on a holiday weekend, making it easier to travel and enjoy your birthday due to the "extra" day that the weekend brings.  We started planning your party probably six weeks prior to your birthday, first reserving a pavilion at Boulevard Park in Lake Saint Louis, thinking that by the time your birthday came near, the weather would be beautiful if not a little too hot outside.  We started letting people know about your birthday - especially big role players, like Grandma Pumphrey.  When we told Grandpa and "Ya-ya" Keys, they told us of a vacation that they had planned to Hilton Head... we thought about it and ended up changing the date of the party to accommodate them.  We were so happy that we did - it was a blessing they were able to attend. 

I love thinking of you and what you would enjoy, and how one day you will know how you fit into our family in the ways that we celebrated.  The St. Louis Cardinals winning the World Series in 2011 was such a treat for your dad and I to enjoy as Cardinals fans - while we didn't determine a particular theme for your birthday party, God provides for our hearts desires - He knew what we needed. 

We were going to a few garage sales on a Saturday, and I noticed a small Cardinal's hat, that I immediately picked up and put on your head - it seemed as if it were made for you - a perfect fit!  We looked around at a few other items the garage sale had, and a couple of paper plates caught my attention, one baseball,and the other soccer.  God must have known how much I desired to have a party with all the trimmings, because the generous woman at the garage sale piled crepe paper, the plates, the hat, and licenced cardinals gear into a bag and offered it to us for $3.  We did feel a little guilty so ended up paying $5 (the hat itself was probably worth $15). 

I took delight in being able to make you a birthday shirt - I started with trying to incorporate the colors of our favorite team, and searched for a way to add baseball and your age - we came up with the following...

The food was carefully planned by your Dad and I, starting with the people to invite, and then incorporating favorite picnic favorites - hotdogs, potato salad, baked beans...we later added hamburgers, and a salad.  We were able to use an idea found on the internet to have baseball cupcakes.  Your cousins Isaac and Mikayla Skidmore came from Beloit with Grandma Pumphrey and helped us decorate the cupcakes into "baseballs" - it was a fun memory building experience! 

Your guest list involved family and friends, and the following were the dear people that were able to attend:

- Momma & Daddy (your biggest fans!)

- Grandma June

- Isaac & Mikayla Skidmore

- Grandpa and Yaya Keys

- Great Grandma Punches

- Aunt Lindsey and Ignatius Keys

- Uncle Scott Keys

- Mike Wider

- Chuck and Linda Raymond

- David, Kendel, Grant, Jaymin, Elleny, Bennett & Baby Willaims

- Maddie Burkemper

Grandma June really helped me set up the food - she basically ran the bbq pit, making the fire hot enough to perfect the burgers and hot dogs.  She was also extra helpful in decorating and making sure that I felt comfortable with "enough" food.  Mikayla was the queen of helping us decorate, and find placement for the balloons and streamers.  Isaac and Mikayla helped bring items to and from the car - and Mikayla especially provided a calming of my nerves, reminding me that it was okay that I wanted everything to be special, because you, my dear Paul, are so special to me.  I delighted in watching your Dad take control of offering everyone a drink so I could make sure that you were well taken care of - Linda sweetly joked that she was ready to just put you in the car and take you home...she loves you so much and I know she and Chuck have showered you with prayers every day. 

Grandma Vickie or Yaya brought a fresh green salad, and it fit in perfectly with our menu.  She was so kind to do so, even though she had just returned from vacation!  Your dad led the most beauitful prayer before we started eathing, thanking God for the gift that you are to us, and the way you have blessed us with your life!  It was beautiful to see him taking charge of leading prayer...really a very special moment.  After everyone ate lunch (you mostly ate beans and hotdog) - we relaxed and enjoyed each other's company.  It was great to see our friends the Williams fit in perfectly with our dear family and friends - they are so good and great examples of the Christian walk.  I enjoyed watching dear friends listen intently to Grandma Punches, taking the time to make her feel special and loved - I tried so hard to soak it all in!  I do believe you enjoyed everyone sing "Happy Birthday" to you the most, even more than the sweet buttercream cupcake that you enjoyed smushing.

We asked people not to bring gifts, it already seems as if you have so many toys that you don't play with, and I wanted nothing to keep a friend or family member from attending!  However, you were showered with gifts as well - Miss Linda & Chuck gave you Mizzou gear, Grandad & Grandma June gave you many farm animals, to which we are responsible for teaching you the "real" sounds - not just "oink" for pigs. :)  Grandpa and Yaya gave you adorable clothes, Great Grandma Punches gave you a tractor and trailer which makes lots of fun sounds!  The Williams gave you a complete beach set, including a beach towel, beach ball, windmill, beach chair and a basket full of beach toys. The Skidmores gave you an awesome sherriff set - with a holster, 10 gallon hat, badge, water canteen, and also gave you a fun car, which you've already tried to let your animals drive!

"Here Grandma."

She loves the privilege of holding the babies, and is so kind to offer her lap to all of the kids.  I don't know who needed help, or what they needed, but she had one baby, and then acquired another.  Sweet Savannah and Paul, just 2 weeks apart.  Savannah got restless (not used to Paul's weight on her legs) and then moved; then Paul got restless because Savannah moved, and when he resettled, he went in this position... just making sure her heartbeat was on track.  It only lasted a minute, but long enough to get a great picture!!

We love you Grandma, thank you for loving our babies.

Opening Day 2012

I know that life is passing by quickly, I treasure our moments with Paul - but still feel as if I miss the phase he was just in too, although I love everything he's learning. I never want to forget how everyone comments on his red hair - or how he loves his ball and we keep putting a bat in his hand and helping him "hit" the ball. We love having a boy. I love him so much!

Who do you trust?

After getting Paul sleeping well, two things happened that really threw a wrench in everything...first, he got sick. Sick babies are not fun, and want to be held even more than healthy babies! So I held the little sweetie. Then - I went to a doctor who when i told her I was trying to get Paul to sleep through the night responded "Why would you do that?" - ahhh...renewed frustration and guilty mommy feelings ensued, as she suggested that my 99%tile babe "needed" those calories in the middle of the night.

After much reflection, I realize that I need to remind myself that I need to do what I think is best for my family - reminded again of the best parenting advice I've recieved to date, which is to do what is best for Sean, myself, and the baby, and stand before God knowing that I did my best - Miss Monica Kennedy really is the best for giving my tender heart such great wisdom.

So, we're "back on the wagon" again - trying to get Paul to sleep again in his own little crib, allowing for hiccups along the way for the inevitable illnesses.

Other fun and cute notes - he can "wave" which is so incredibly adorable, although he often does it when he's upset, and he's started crawling more with his bum in the air, even on carpet...not sure why, but Grandpa Keys seems to think it is his "just before walking" move.

Sleep Log, Day 2

Paul slept for 30 minutes at day care in the morning, and then from 3-5 pm on Dad's lap.

6:00 pm Dinner
6:25 pm Bath
7:00 pm Sleeping! He was quickly asleep, mostly because he didn't really have much sleep in his little system! He didn't really even enjoy his bath much because he was just so tired.
9:00 pm - Small fuss - back to sleep once his binky was replaced
Midnight - Small fuss - back to sleep once his binky was replaced
3:30 am - the worst but it really wasn't bad, he was asleep within 10 minutes, he just had woken up and needed a little reassurance and his binky to go back to sleep.
6:00 am - woke up and excited to start the day!

Praise God!

Sleep Log, Day 1

5:45 Dinner
6:00 Play time
6:15 Bath time!
Clothes, nurse, then in the crib - mostly playing until Paul started fussing, then eventually was able to soothe him to sleep (without picking him up) by 7:15
9:00 woke up and was able to get to sleep again (after diaper change) - although really wanted to be picked up which you could tell because he stopped fussing the instant he was picked up for the diaper change...
Midnight - this was the tough one. He really wanted to be snuggled, and it took him a good 45 minutes to go back to sleep.
5:20 am - up with Daddy, like usual, and pretty happy!

Well, we've started. Here's to hoping that Paul can sleep in his crib consistantly so that Mom & Dad get to share a bed because Paul and Dad can't quite sleep together - because Paul is so loud....

Sweet Memories

Sunday, everyone in our family had a huge nap. This obviously affected Sean's sleep cycles, and he couldn't sleep well. While we're now convinced we need to get Paul on a better sleep schedule, we didn't start it last night, and every time Sean heard Paul awake - he came in the bedroom and checked to see if he could take care of Paul - and if I was feeding Paul, he just took a couple of minutes to stroke my hair and soothe me. What a tender and loving husband I have!

Sick

I don't think anything makes me appreciate health like being sick. I found a good blog about diabetes today, and it makes me appreciate that I don't have a pump yet. Most days, I'd like a pump, because then I could eat more cookies (like the EL Fudges Sean got at the store today!), but realizing all the trouble that comes with them makes me grateful for my little pancreaus still working.

Also, next time I'm sick to the stomach, I'll try to do what I did today, which is begin to offer each heave for the saving of souls....gross, but effective.

Lent, A Day Late

For Lent I have four goals:
1) No music except classical (I can still listen to Catholic radio in the car!)
2) No complaining - especially focusing on the banes of my existence...work and daycare
3) Try to go to morning Mass with Paul 3-5 times during the week (we're usually awake anyway!)
4) Focus on positive speech in my heart and mind especially in regards to respecting Sean.

I thought about giving up diet coke, but that got vetoed by Sean, who so kindly said that I rarely get treats anyway, so he wanted me to just cut back. I'm working on that too.

Feb 15, 2012

Trauma

I am amazed at how the heart learns to love so fast and so swiftly - today Paul had a "check up" of sorts to get his immunization records ready for day care, update a couple of shots, etc. I had received the suggestion of a new doctor - which I was excited about meeting her, as our pediatrician retired.

Of course, many things happened that I was not expecting... first of all, Paul was considered "tongue tied" - uhm...what? Why wasn't this discovered when he was 8 days old instead of 8 months old? The options - preform a procedure on him today, or wait until he's three and put him under general anesthesia. Yuck. I'll take today - but with a heavy heart. I'm so sad that he has to suffer... Isn't that a great reminder that God didn't create us for Earth, he created us for the Garden - where there was no suffering. Thanks a lot Eve.

Then, while listening to Paul's lungs, the kind doctor informed me that he most likely had RSV. Sean and I have been sick and feeling like crap for almost a month, but I feel bad that I didn't even know how sick Paul was, even though there wasn't much (if anything) that would have been done for him. Shame on momma. Oh yes, there is also the horrible diaper rash - no explanation necessary, I'm sure. It was bad, so she prescribed him an ointment - that I might add cost $18. For the smallest little tube. Seriously. Why is medicine so expensive?

Paul is recovering well. He's not a big fan of the Dr, and I'm not a big fan of her prognosis that he will likely be sick for two years due to daycare.

Anyway. Long day, but this is just a complaining rant. Paul is preciously cute and he's been taking the whole day pretty well, considering very sharp scissors were taken to his tongue which is now untied.

Friends

Was able to visit Michelle & Tim today - what a blessing true friends are! Michelle just had surgery and it was so sweet to watch Tim take care of her - I have so much to learn about being a good woman, but I'm so glad that I have friends to help me along the way!

Paul- 8 months!

I still do not want to believe that Paul is 8 months old. I want him to be 8 days old again!

He can make out the words "Mom" and "Momma" and even a "Dada" every once in a while...although not always directing it towards the appropriate parent or saying it at the right time, it is awesome to have him verbalizing so well.

Paul loves to crawl. Loves it. He can speedily get where he wants to go, and his favorite places are the bathroom, the trash can, and Momma's pant legs - where he begins to crawl up until picked up.

He has tried many foods - although it is very clear the he prefers fruit to veggies, I can't really blame him! This week he tried pears, strawberries, sausage, pasta... he has successfully mastered bananas, black beans, waffles, toast and doesn't care for broccoli or great northern beans. I think his favorite food are the "puffs" that they sell - he will always find a way to eat them and get them in his mouth...it's so cute to watch. Of course, when isn't he cute to watch?

Jesus, I do this for you.

As previously mentioned, Fr. Elliot is ah-mazing.

I confessed often complaining about housework, or taking care of Paul (while still loving him dearly, of course), and I really have been noticing that it takes up so much room in my heart - and often it leads to angry outbursts, hurting Sean, Paul, and our family's relationship with each other. Fr. Elliot reminded me of the need to pray and continually offer our day to Jesus (in the back of my head I was saying "yeah, yeah... yeah... I should do that") but then, when he said, with each task, perhaps saying "Jesus, I do this for you." would give it eternal perspective, and I would be able to please Jesus and take my mind off of the constant score keeping that I've started.

What a great way to love the "little way" and remember Matthew 25:20 ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I've put this into practice when I feel my patience wearing thin, and although it seems SO simple that I really should have figured it out about 10 years ago, it has really been helping the past 24 hours.... Thank you Jesus for your kind assistance and the grace given in the sacrament of reconciliation!

Choices

We all have so many choices.

It is often hard for me to know as if I'm making the right choice for my family - which is why I'm grateful for Sean! He makes so many choices for our family and leads us in ways that he knows to be best - he is a great leader and always reminds me when I'm being controlling...which is unfortunately often.

Recently I've been worried about having Paul in daycare. I sometimes feed the fear even more wanting a "better reason" so that I can care for Paul full time. However, Sean gently reminds me that we can revisit the daycare we've chosen to feel more comfortable - and that this will likely give Paul and Sean and I more stability in our home, knowing that every day we will have the same routine.

I'm even more relieved knowing that this is a short term solution to our long term dream...

Sick

*sigh*

Being sick. I hate being sick - I hate how long it feels like it takes for me to get over a respiratory illness, or feeling in anyway that I'm not adequate to finish a project, go to work, take care of Paul, Sean, and the housework.

Yet, I shocked my primary care with how horrible my lungs sounded today, and I NEED to rest, but it is so hard to rest when all I see are "things that I need to do." I guess I need to treat myself like I wish I could force my parents to treat themselves, with kindness and consideration for all that my body is trying to accomplish by getting well again. I do have a new hero in my friend Kendel though - she is carrying her sixth little baby and has horrible morning sickness for the first trimester, sometimes the first half of pregnancy... yet she carries herself with such dignity that I want to strive to be more dignified in caring for myself - so that I can be the wife and mother that I want to be.

Rest.

I'll try.

Paul's development amazes me. He will be 8 months in less than a week, and he is an avid crawler - he loves to crawl to the trash - maybe because he knows we always stop him and bring him somewhere else? He also LOVES his bath time, so he will speedily crawl to the bathroom whenever he has an opportunity, especially if the door is closed. This morning I had quite joy when I was able to encourage him to crawl from the master bedroom to the dining room and then lifted him to get into his chair. I love his crawling, but I do wish he didn't grow so quickly...

Child of God Part 2

Driving home from church yesterday, Sean and I were talking about being a child of God and the responsibility it brings....and I mentioned to him how on earth, we love to see good reflected in our children.

If someone tells me that Paul is adorable, they are instantly miles closer to my heart, because they know the truth, and because I'm easily flattered enough to think it is because he gets his blue eyes from me.

However, I am hopeful for the day that someone tells me that Paul is holy, and seeks God with all of his heart. It would all be God's grace, of course, and I did nothing but provide him room in my womb for 9 months...but it says something... as parents, we believe that our children reflect us. Here we are again, knowing that parenthood gives us a small glimpse into God's beautiful heart, and knowing that God wants us to be holy so that we can reflect HIM to the world that so desperately needs Him. So that we can be HIS children that shine and reflect Him...

What privilege, what responsibility.

Child of God

We are blessed to have a wonderful priest and pastor at our parish home of St. Gianna's. Fr. Elliot often refers to the Gospel when encouraging me after confession, and I always find it so helpful to focus for the next week on what he has said.

Today, he reminded me that we are all children of God, which is a great gift, but with that gift, there is a great responsibility to act as a child of God. I have so much to learn, but confession always brings me renewed hope and grace to help me accomplish the great task that God has given me, to help my family get to Heaven...

Fear

What makes us do what we do? What place, if any, does fear have in our lives? So many times I feel consumed with worry - not just about things that I almost feel are natural, like "Will Paul grow up to love Jesus?", but "What does this person think of me?" Why is it that social and peer pressure can't dissapate as we age? I struggled so much with this when I was in high school - and yet parenting and making choices that I feel are right for Paul, Sean and myself has brought it even more to the forefront of my mind, however, there is a solution!

I need to trust in Jesus more - trust that what others think of me is none of my business - and that I need only HIS approval, only HIS love and grace. Ahh. even just looking at this simple reminder helps.

http://pinterest.com/pin/5348093277247604/

January 19, 2012

Beauty.

I love sunrises and sunsets, that I often notice on my drive to work, due to the love of a dear friend, we usually text each other when we see one that is specifically spectacular...I love being reminded of "how big God is" when he shows me his love through the sun and the colors he has created in the sky.

January 18, 2012

I really struggle with submission and following my husband's lead...especially when it comes to my dream of staying at home with Paul and future babies. I ache to leave the little one, and hurry home every day, knowing that I've missed the little moments like his sweet smile, the snuggles, and so much more - but I know that good is coming of me following Sean's faithful lead.

Gratefulness came from a friend who is in a very rough financial situation, and it was hard to hear her wondering if she would be able to get Medicaid for her two precious boys - and I felt as if God was reminding me that I needed to be grateful for the opportunity to work, as well as Sean's desire to have us financially secure...Jesus, thank you for my job, and thank you for the opportunity to learn about obedience and submission through the vocation of marriage.

I want to commit to writing something daily about our life together here on earth. It seems as if it is slipping by so quickly when I see the smile and growth of my 7 month old baby and my precious husband.

One sentence, one moment each day, to reflect.

Today, dearest Jesus, I am thankful for our health. Paul has been sick with a cough that makes each breath seem labored, and I thought yesterday about how you are the Divine Physician, who wants us all to be well, but our own sin, our own sickness takes us away from you. As a parent, I imagine the Heavenly Father aching over my sins the way I ache over each labored breath of Paul's, wishing that he didn't have to endure any pain, but knowing that there is nothing I can do but love him and be available for him.

Sean is sick with an ear infection, only a weekend after being sick with a "regular cold." His temperature is 102. He is in such pain, when I asked if I could do anything for him he said, "just be sweet to me."

Jesus, I am thankful that, to us, these are the "big issues" because it shows how often we have our health and do not need to worry about a thing...and when we are sick, we have good earthly physicians who tend to our needs, and the advancement of medicine that helps us heal.