Auto-pilot pain

Sorry I haven't been posting in a while sweet readers. It's hard to imagine that last time I was posting was in our old apartment in Chesterfield.

Since then, we've moved to another part of town, become involved in a youth group at Incarnate Word Parish (in Chesterfield, Missouri), welcomed new neighbors, and Sean has started a new and challenging career path.

It's hard for me to believe that I wanted Sean to go into nursing school so much, when it is so difficult and demanding, but I believe that it is characteristic to desire the difficulty to be your own. For instance, I would much rather be sick, or have emergency surgery than to have my husband undergo the same. I don't think this is just a false illusion of toughness, but a desire to protect those we love from suffering. I would despise being in school again, but I would do it if it meant that I didn't have to see Sean so stressful after a long day or before a lab session. He's so smart and so good about it though, he is doing it with a most generous heart, so he can be the sole provider for our future family.

When you're in pain, your body and mind go into auto pilot to make it stop. Sean's been open to any option that would make nursing school no longer be necessary, and part of it is this "backup plan." (Back up plans like becoming a police man or joining the armed services.) Which I personally hate, because it drives me crazy. I like "Plan A" and only "Plan A." However, more often than not, we've used a back up plan, so it's in fairness that we discuss these things.

Lord, please, just help us get through the next 11 months, pass nursing school, and pass the NCLEX.

Sharing

I'm kind of laughing....still....my husband, Sean, saw my blog and asked if he could post on it too. I guess some families have blogs, but I kind of felt like it was my space to just chit chat to the universe of the Internet...even though right now, Sean is the only one who knows this outlet exists.

However, on the point of sharing, I don't have to. He said "I'm a Keys!!" Well....yeah.... but that still doesn't mean I have to share. Sorry sweetie! You see, Sean has a way with deciding that he doesn't have to share if he doesn't want to share. Most of the time he's teasing, but sometimes, he's really not. Like yesterday, when he couldn't eat anything but creamy stuff due to surgery, I made him pudding, putting the largest portion in his bowl and hoping his 16 year old brother didn't take that bowl. As he had the most, I thought he would let me have a bite when he was almost finished, however, when I reached for it, it turned out he simply said "I'm not done yet". If I had said this, I'm sure I would have been encouraged to share, however, it's okay for Sean to say it. I call this the principle of double - effect. Sean has a lot of standards for me that he doesn't hold himself to, this includes tickling, cold hands, and other things I can't currently remember. Anyway, I'm sure you'll see Sean trying to pretend like this is blog and chiming in. It's okay. I like family participation, I just want my own blog. That's what you get when you get Keys-ology. Just the way the newest Keys (for now!) looks at the world of in-laws, marriage, and love.

Growing up.

How can one event make you feel more grown up than anything else you've ever done? It's odd, you see, that I'm married, have a full time job, have graduated high school, college, and even volunteer for people 1/2 my age, and yet haven't felt as old as I actually am until I stayed the night in the hospital with my husband.
I had surgery a month after we were married, but it wasn't until a pesky appendix came up that I felt so much responsibility for another person. I'm assuming that this will be more prevalent when (if) we have children...but really, I felt so old. It also made me want to regress to childhood. I missed my mother so much that day, and almost cried while talking to her. Something about the event forcing me to be responsible made me wish that my mother could be there to take the responsibility away.
For those of you wondering, Sean is now safely recovering, all in the enjoyment of his parent's house. It's rather nice to be able to watch television, however, it always makes me grateful we don't have one in our house, as I find it substitutes conversation instead of facilitating it, even with Sean and I. Now I'm going to continue watching one of my favorites, Pride and Prejudice...how delightful!!